My Personal Literacy Narrative Revised!

In this course we have had the opportunity of reading the works of several analytical minds. Each author brought their own view on what influences a writer and where the writer’s personal voice comes from. One author in particular, Deborah Brandt, introduced me to the term “literacy sponsors” which are in her own words, “any agents, local or distant, concrete or abstract, who enable, support, teach, model, as well as recruit, regulate suppress, or withhold literacy” (334). I interpreted this to mean that any person, place or thing that has contributed to one’s own literacy, or reading/speaking ability, is a “literacy sponsor”. James Paul Gee, defined literacy as not just the vocabulary and grammar of a society’s language but the values behind the words said. He believes that whenever one uses a language, one has to “say/write the right thing in the right way while playing the right social role and (appearing) to hold the right values, beliefs, and attitudes”(484).  He calls these combinations of saying and believing, Discourses. Gee also believes that within Discourses there is a differentiation between that of a primary Discourse and a secondary Discourse. He refers to a primary Discourse as the one “we first use to make sense of the world and interact with others”, while a secondary Discourse are like literacy sponsors; people or influences outside of the family that teach us a fluency over other Discourses. After these there is the Dominant Discourse, a secondary Discourse that can provide things like money or prestige; and the Non-Dominant Discourse, which provides a status within a certain “social network”(485). In other words, Non-Dominant Discourses provide one with social standing within a group of people.

In terms of how these ideals might relate to me, I found that my love of reading was a sponsor that introduced me to the endless flow of knowledge that can only be accessed through books. It began with the Series of Unfortunate Events by Lemony Snicket in the 5^th grade and it all took off from there. Books became a great influence to my writing style through the ideas and vocabulary that I found in them. While my preference in novel tends to lean towards adventure and fiction, I still find the beauty in philosophical books.  I have found my ideals tested and altered because of the lessons learned in novels. And those teachings have impacted the way I view life and my role in the world. Other literary sponsors were the TV shows and the characters I admired as a child. In my Multimodal project I introduced my audience to a few of the TV shows I watched. The Disney movies of the time also had a tremendous impact because those inspired my desire for stories that would take my young mind on splendid adventures. I began teaching myself the lyrics to the songs of the movies just to feel more a part of the tale. I loved to sing, but more than anything I found my passion for story telling through the teachings and characters of these films. Yet, with all that these aspects of my life have brought to my character, the literacy sponsor that led me along the path with these influences was my mother.

My family originated in Mexico; my father from Veracruz and my mother from La Ciudad de Mexico. It was only natural for me to grow up in a house that spoke mostly Spanish. Yet, being raised in America brought its own challenges when trying to raise a Mexican child in a country that speaks mostly English. From my perspective, my mother has always and will always be a great influence on me. She was a large part of the reason why I took my studies so seriously. She always encouraged me to excel in school promising me that if I put in my best effort, I would be able to pursue any path I wished in life. She also was the one to push my language abilities. In my early childhood that meant learning to read and have a firm grasp on English since my family was that of a Spanish-speaking household. My mother made it her mission to make sure that I would not face the struggle of inadequacy in English the way she had struggled upon arriving to America. Her solution was to read me stories before bed and hope that eventually one book would catch my interest, and her plan succeeded. She was the one to ignite my passion for books.

 Deborah Brandt, author of “Sponsors of Literacy”, talks about how literacy sponsors impact one’s literacy learning in two specific ways.  More than anyone, my mother exemplified Brandt’s idea that literacy sponsors “help to organize and administer stratified systems of opportunity and access, and they raise the literacy stakes for competitive advantage”. She did everything in her power to put me in a school that would provide the opportunity for a higher education. My mother held specific expectations for my education and my success in this new country and environment. She continually hammered into my head the importance of knowledge in this society and how competitive the system was. I felt the urgency to stand out in academic success as her efforts motivated me. Yet by doing this sponsors “enable and hinder literacy activity, forcing the formation of new literacy requirements while decertifying older ones”(344). As my proficiency in English grew, my Spanish dwindled away, eroded by the years of education in the American language. I hear that as a little girl my Spanish was much better than what it is today. And it could be true seeing as I can understand it fine but cannot go through a conversation without stuttering for a word or being unable to express myself through speech at all. I have the accent but not the vocabulary. .

Gee asserts that “if you have no access to the social practice, you don’t get in the Discourse, you don’t have it”(484) and that is what had inevitably happened to me. English ruled out my Spanish because I was exposed to English in school, after school and at home. Spanish became less important, less practiced and my American identity eventually overshadowed my Hispanic nationality. I was so focused on excelling and being accepted as an American that I disregarded something so much more important, the individuality and identity of my homeland and people. I had tried to retain that piece of my heritage but everywhere I went, everyone I spoke to had communicated the same single thought. I needed English to survive here. And somewhere along the way, I adopted this idea into my head and the two identities began to clash until one won out. As Gee states “when such a tension exists, it can deter acquisition of one or the other or both of the conflicting Discourses, or, at least, affect the fluency of a mastered Discourse on certain occasions of use”(485-486). I couldn’t find the balance of two conflicting Discourses and had unconsciously let one slip through the cracks. Upon coming to that realization I struggled to reclaim that of my mother’s and father’s. I had always envied everyone else’s culture and customs but never seen the magnificence of the one I belonged to. I wanted to sing, read, and speak anything I could. And for a while it worked. But it was like learning a second language again. I tried convincing myself that I had not lost anything at all but simply repressed it. Yet I had done more than repress and I did not want to admit it to myself because the weight of what I had done and lost began to burden my mind. I could no longer be considered a Hispanic because I had lost my people’s tongue. I was now an imposter with the face that would claim belonging but lacked the communication to say so. I blushed whenever someone spoke to me in Spanish because I most likely could not respond. I was frustrated because when speaking with relatives in Mexico, I had to ask my mother to translate. I was now an American. No longer a real Mexicana. But then the question became, was I ever really one at all.

My mother witnessing my efforts to regain my Mexican identity set me down one day and told me that I was Hispanic but I was also American. My language is a combination of both cultures because it was to both that I was born into. I thought about what she had said and acknowledged that although my Primary Discourse was now my American identity that I had embraced growing up, my people’s language stayed with me in some shape or form despite the inadequacy with which I handled it. Lisa Delpit, a writer who disagreed with Gee about relinquishing one Discourse for another, states that “Acquiring the ability to function in a dominant discourse need not mean that one must reject one’s home identity and values, for discourses are not static, but are shaped…by those who participate within them and by the form of their participation” (135). I was a part of two Discourses and from Delpit’s point of view, had created a Discourse that applied to my own situation. And I could see my Hispanic identity in the prayer books that were found around the house. I would hear it in the songs that were played in every room. I would find it in conversations in birthday celebrations when we all would sing “Las Mallanitas” and yell at the birthday girl or boy “que lo muerda” bite it! And ultimately push their faces into the cake. I saw it in the letters written to our extended family and caught in on the TV series that my mother so enjoyed.

I improved in my Spanish but did not rush it. I went to mass and absorbed the sound and relished in the familiarity of it. I learned my prayers and felt the lyrical element in the speech. It was not something to be lost, but something I had to find again for it was always a part of me to begin with. It was found in my mothers voice as she cooed her lullaby to me as a baby. It was my father’s strong and willful voice of encouragement. It was the urge I felt when I needed to get up and dance to our music. The kind that everyone joins and laughs to and dances to because it calls to all of us and tells us that we are family and that we belong. Spanish and my customs and traditions are not something that needs to be sacrificed to live in the land that I live in.

Over the years I have found the right mix of both. Like Delpit claims, I found a way to keep both identities and remain a member of two Discourses. In my experience Gee was wrong to think that one had to relinquish a part of them to fully take another role. As a result my writing carries characteristics of my people and hints to our history and stories. I chose to embrace my heritage and reflect it in my writing so that everyone who reads my work can say with out a doubt that I am Latina and I am proud to be. And that pride comes mostly from what my mother has made it represent for me.

Based upon my experiences I have come to the conclusion that one’s literacy development is greatly impacted by one’s environment and ones’ own interests. So many people have helped me become the reader and writer I am today. My family and culture have given me an identity that is unique and that I can be proud of. My mother has introduced me to so much of what makes me who I am today; my likes and dislikes; my passions and my dreams. But in the end I think that nothing can really be accomplished without the strength and perseverance of one’s own self. And all of these factors have contributed to my own literacy journey and development.

Citations:

Lamott, Anne. "Shitty First Drafts." Trans. Array Writing About Writing: A College Reader. Boston: Bedford/St. Martin's, 2011. 301-304. Print.

Delpit, Lisa. "The Politics of Teaching Literate Discourse." Trans. Array Readings on Writing: Ohio University Composition Committee. 2nd Edition. Cincinnatti: Van-Griner Publishing, 2013. 126-139. Print.

Gee, James Paul. "Literacy, Discourse, and Linguistics: Introduction." Trans. Array Writing About Writing: A College Reader. Boston: Bedford/St. Martin's, 2011. 481-497. Print.

Brandt, Deborah. “Sponsors of Literacy.” Trans. Array Writing About Writing: A College Reader. Boston: Bedford/St. Martin's, 2011. 331-352. Print.

NOTE:
I don't know why most of the text is underlined, but the site won't allow me to get rid of it. Please, know that this is all my work. The only exception would be quotes I took from a few authors, authors whom I have cited correctly right above. There are a few places in the text where my writing is the same from the original, however my intention in this revision was to reorganize and add to my ideas in a way that would develop and communicate them more efficiently.

Thank you,
Jazmin Perez